Not everyone will like you. It’s not a bad thing!

I’m enrolled in a prestigious Culinary program in college. “One of the best in the country”, they say, and it’s slightly intimidating since I have no prior work experience in the kitchen. But acquiring a few friends seemed to elevate the tension just nicely through first semester!

Most people I work alongside in labs are fun, easy to get along with and very helpful as teammates. However, some of them don’t feel the same way about me. Even more shockingly, I recently found out that quite a few of them don’t even like me!

Honestly I don’t mean to gloat, but I think of myself as an approachable, friendly person. I often find ways to say something nice about someone even if I don’t know them that well and I am elated to find out if anyone has said the same for me. In Journalism last year I had many friends. There was almost no one I didn’t get along with.

CUE REALITY

Now that I’m in the Culinary world, I’m realizing that no matter how charming or genuine a kind human being is, not everyone will necessarily like them – let alone be delighted to share their workspace. Not all differences can be put aside. But you know what? That’s perfectly OK!

In fact, it may actually be healthy. I, too, have begun to dispel myself of social gravity lately. Now I have very few friends and most others remain my humble acquaintances. ‘How did this happen?’ I asked myself, slightly worried I would gradually retreat into holes with other lowly hermits as I compulsively spoke out at-random just so I would appear sociably content. Well, sometime ago in class I overheard several hulaaaaaarrious stories exchanged between fellow classmates (unintentionally, of course) that involved embarrassing episodes of inebriation… and a few explicit scenarios I’d rather not share over the web. After an hour of utter brain torture I thought, maybe it’s good I don’t know all these crazy people.

Of course, I may be just too boring to understand their definition of “fun”, but this occurrence slowly made me appreciate the mental benefits of having a small circle of buds. It also helped me understand the diversities in our kitchen.

Last week in lab me and four others were steadily catching up on a complex dish that had three different procedures while the rest were finishing up. It’s true; some are faster than others, and although progression is our main focus, I am one of the slowest. What I lack in speed, however, I make up for in quality. Anyway, during the hustle a buddy of mine pulled me aside and told me that she overheard three of the top students in our group talk about us.

“He said, ‘man, no wonder we’re always f***ing late! Those idiots over there keep dragging our groove down’!” I think she was slightly taken aback after I told her, “Well, that’s alright. They can think what they want to. No one said they had to like us.”

I may have said it to shield myself from these almost back-stabbing remarks, but it is true nonetheless. If you are in a working environment that requires massive attention to detail, team effort and utilizing different means of work while you’re all under pressure from the preceding deadlines, it is almost inevitable for personalities to clash.

That does NOT mean you are a bad person

“Not like me? Pfft. After 25 years in this industry I can tell you: no one has to like me for me to do a good job. I don’t rely on others’ opinions to tell me I’m a good or bad cook … and you know, I’m fine with that if someone doesn’t think I’m the most ‘awesome person ev-aaar’. Odds are, I don’t like them either. But I may admire their work.” ~ Chef.

While I love liking people I work with and developing friendships, I understand now that it is futile to pursue a fantasized workplace where that applies to every individual.

In the event someone makes a nasty remark, it is best to take it in stride and carry on with your duties than to sneer or spite. No one should force themselves to be friends with such people either, but sticky situations where you’re all stuck together call for professional (& mutual) interaction by staying positive and actively contributing to the atmosphere.

What people think should not affect the work you do nor the goals you are trying to succeed. Of course, it may be a simple misunderstanding – one that can hopefully be resolved with pleasant conversation or kind gestures. However, sometimes a mind or opinion cannot be changed. When that happens, we just have to accept it. Obviously there are issues that cannot be assuaged in that person’s head. The last and final step is to simply let it go. Continue to think and speak nice things about certain people and maybe give them a compliment, but never push it.

It’s not a bad thing for someone to dislike you. If anything, you have your own hate list or two filled with names and faces you have disgraced from existence – or, at least you are aware of your social limits. It is perfectly healthy to set standards for what you can tolerate, what you don’t and what you will allow to become personal like a friendship or intimate relationship.

And it is perfectly OK not to be everybody’s friend. For one thing, it’s never good to pressure yourself and there are many people who just don’t mix well together. If we were all meant to like each other—well, I can’t even say. We’re only human! But we will always be ourselves.

- J.