It’s All Society’s Fault. Or is it?

“Dear Society, what did you do to make my bulimic girlfriend feel so depressed?”, “Why does all of society make my life suck?”, “How come our society needs to make everything so difficult and warlike?”, “When will society stop determining my life choices?”

“It’s ALL society’s fault”
Or is it?

Far too frequently have I heard such wild outbursts from teenagers and angry adults alike. It’s not unusual to blame one’s surroundings for a personal problem and I partially agree with that statement, but partial agreement for me on this subject is tolerance at its lowest.

It is true; our world is plagued with a multitude of questionable influences such as TV, the media, peers, families/home life, substance abuse/addictions— we’ve heard it all, and most of us have witnessed first-hand the powerful impact they can have upon youth and especially young women. However, while individual choice is arguably conditioned by one’s environment, reading intake, peers and home life, we still make decisions to be a certain way just as we choose to ignore the way we are.

Many people believe that society, their parents or circumstance — something out of their control — are what molds them into “victims”, as if they had just survived a massacre and expect total, reliable and frequently available consultation which is usually spawned from self-loathing or an overdose of pity. Then there’s the classic “society has turned its back on me” mentality. Both behaviors can be easily exhibited through one  universal gesture: pointing the finger. A cop-out of responsibility.

How infuriating. It’s like the very word ‘society‘  is used nowadays to describe some oppressive abstract entity that miraculously shifts every aspect of life itself without prior consent of the person who is merely experiencing bad luck or consequence. And frankly, it’s just a naive way of thinking. I realize I’m coming off as judgmental and even hypocritical (ALL teenagers/adults have been in this position — yes you have, don’t lie), but let me tell you – it just isn’t true.

Yes, I agree, the world sucks. It sucks that we have to deal with it like a chore, too (DEAL WITH IT). But it’s not just society — a term far too liberal in casual conversation — that is to blame for encouraging or discouraging what we do and being who we are.

It’s us. WE bear the majority of fault.

“How did this happen? Who’s to blame? Well certainly there are those more responsible than others and they will be held accountable… but again truth be told, if you’re looking for the guilty, you need only look into a mirror.” V, V for Vendetta.

It obviously doesn’t take a dark anti-hero to figure out what has been done, nor what really needs to be done to resolve inner-conflict. But clearly, for whatever reason or excuse, we are becoming increasingly afraid to deal with a very simple sad fact of life: we do it to ourselves.

Even me! Here I am occasionally thinking about how detached I am from my roots. But I don’t blame “the white man” and I don’t whine in excess about the problem. I do what I can to resolve it. And that is what more individuals and groups need to do. SOMETHING. I can’t say what; I don’t know you.

But I didn’t write today just to point out how annoying or useless it is to impose blame on external factors. I also want to help. Little does the average person know, it is actually unhealthy in regards to eating habits, sleep patterns, social life and work environments. Even besides, it sucks. How do you expect anything to change if it’s “society’s doing”?
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Figure out the REAL problem

For people who whine about “the system” – VOTE. I wholeheartedly believe that no one has the right to complain if they are legally capable of contributing to change and refuse to do so or they ‘inadvertently’ forget about election dates when really they were just too damn lazy to be committed. For youth with a similar problem, I suggest you do the same and contribute by thoroughly educating yourselves or having a talk with your parents and local city council about issues you feel strongly about. NOTHING got done in this country by sitting on the sidelines murmuring and twirling thumbs.

For college students who feel the awesome pressure of “society” and its expectations – I have felt your pain. Believe me, I know what it is like in the first couple years to think everyone is watching you and no one will rely on your confidence if you fail your major or people will begin to judge you if you switch between career paths. OR you succeed and suddenly everyone around you will expect you to further succeed. And this can get a little tricky because if you come from a high-class family or if you possess an A-type personality, it may very well be so.

But here’s the surprise: most of it is all in your head. I can’t dictate this statement as fact for all of you nor can I convince you to believe it, but look at yourself and ask yourself: “What do I want?” It’s YOUR education.

Parents: “It’s our money!”
Me: It’s my life. I know it’s selfish, but if I’m going to live just once in this world, I’d rather live spontaneous and happy than repressed and surviving. (And I will gladly contribute to pay for my tuition)

For those with low self-esteems, identify the trigger of your apparent unhappiness: What causes you to think you are too fat, too skinny, or not beautiful? Secondly, why would you think that? Why would you think you are a waste of space, are not good enough or feel like you just can’t hack it? And lastly, what can you do to remedy this negativity? Keep track of these feelings and DON’T give up looking for an answer.

Personally, unless your health is at risk or you really are in need of professional nutrition/lifestyle counseling, SCREW opinion and flashy magazines.

“It only matters what people think if you want it to matter at all.” ~ Mom

Because ultimately, it all falls on you. Just deal with the fact now that people will be people; they will always look, gawk and talk. But it is your choice to listen and give-in to lower standards. Taking responsibility for yourself, teaching yourself, treating yourself and loving yourself is all part of the first step in having confidence, not giving a crap what people think and accepting the fact that YOU are in charge and you DO have a choice — always.

You can’t change what you call society, but you CAN change your attitude. Do you necessarily want to? No, but it beats crying about it. This change does not alter the quantity of what is in your life, but enhances the quality of how you live. And that, my friends, is self-respect.

It is hard. But if it were easy, living really wouldn’t have any meaning. So make it mean everything.

- J.